"Back up and Punt." That is exactly what we are continuing to do this week to set the stage of our hearts. All so we can move forward and continually achieve the goal of life and freedom we long for. In a recent blog (Bold Love) it was mentioned that repentance for the wounded includes a refusal to be "dead," a refusal to mistrust (not care about) others, and a refusal to despise intimacy and passion. Before we can embrace these themes, we need to be reminded of how God fiercely loves us and experience more of his fierce love. To help accomplish this, I have been reposting a few key blogs throughout the past week and part of this week.
God's Love, Part XII: "Personal and Authentic Experience"
Imagine a most magnificent garden. Colors of every kind high and low, dancing up and down winding pathways—each turn a new wonder. Various aromas tease the senses as you pass by gardenias at your feet, and jasmine winding up tall trellises. Tall trees provide shade in quiet, restful corners, while sunlight streams over an open pond laden with lily pads.
Such stunning beauty and enjoyment takes time and careful attention to create. It does not happen overnight. Intimacy in relationships is much the same way. And a relationship with God is no different, requiring time and intentional effort.
Remember how our desire for romance found a way to express itself when we were little girls? (God’s Love: Part VII, “To Experience”) What was it that romanced your heart then? Was it the strength of horses, or the playfulness of puppies? The smell of coming rain in the air? The first snowfall of winter? Or crashing waves on a white sandy beach? Maybe it was a favorite book or movie that moved you.
God’s way of romancing us is deeply personal. He knows what you enjoy, and what things stir your heart. And He will often bring things back from your youth, awakening your heart to open up again. Many times we miss it because we have closed up our hearts in order to endure the pains of life. (I know I did.)
Ask Him how He is romancing you now; to open your eyes to see how He is coming for you. It might be different than you expected. And it will always be exactly what you need. As you move forward on your healing journey, you will need to keep your heart open to receive what He brings.
Before moving further, it is important to expose our enemy here: Beware of the lies Satan uses when it comes to experiencing more of God’s love. I was once unaware of such lies. They became obvious while attending a “Captivating” retreat several years ago in the Rockies of Colorado, based on the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, and led by their team. It is specifically designed to awaken and bring healing and restoration to the feminine heart.
Waking late and feeling poorly one particular morning left me alone and late getting ready for the morning session. Isolated from the others, a barrage of questions stormed relentlessly, creating doubt about God’s love and experiencing it. The women speakers had such amazing stories to tell and spoke of God’s love in such a way that caused a strange, deep longing. A feeling of void crept in where the longing stirred.
Do you really love me, God? How can I really know? I mean, I know you died on the cross for me and all. I know I experienced You when I asked You to forgive my sins and live in my heart a long time ago, and a few other key “spiritual” moments in my life. But, what about now? Is there more? I don’t have any experiences like the ones these women are sharing. How do I know you love me now?
The questions turned to conclusions to just believe what God says about His love and the cross, and that there is nothing more. That nothing new and ongoing and current is needed. (or, that God even wants to offer it…) Determining such experiences were just for the other women, and not for me, I headed out to the next session. Yet, the ache in my heart for more could not be quenched. Walking to the conference room, I told God I was jealous. Not of the women, but jealous for HIM.
The first morning session was very intense and left us to ask what was keeping us from seeing the ways God wanted to romance us. The speakers had described very personal experiences of God romancing them, but few of us attending had such stories of our own. New questions erupted, compounding the first. I don’t have experiences like theirs; do You love me like You do them?
Later in the morning, we dug deeper into God’s romance and pursuit of our hearts. Old familiar feelings of being a disappointment (even to God) arose, and I began to think as I often did, that something was wrong with me. This piled on top of earlier conclusions that such experiences were only for the other women and not me.
Next, one of the ladies told us how the enemy will lie to us, hoping we will agree with him, therefore stealing the experiences God has for us. She led us in a time of prayer, asking us to listen for God to show us what agreements we’d made, and then renounce, or break them—naming each one—in Jesus’ name. Immediately, all my thoughts from the morning were on instant replay. Thinking maybe those thoughts were my agreements, I gave it a shot and, in a whisper, renounced “disappointment, and thinking that I was a constant disappointment,” and “that this is for the other women and not for me.”
No sooner than the words had left my tongue, the speaker said in a prayerful mode into the microphone, with passion and firmness, “You are not a disappointment to Me. You are not, you have not, nor have you ever been a disappointment to ME! This is not just for the other women, this is for YOU.
Four hundred women in the room, and God, having known my every thought that morning, and all my life, chose to speak LOUD and CLEAR to me. Collapsing in my seat, I wept loudly. It was obvious God saw me, heard me, and LOVED me—and did, indeed, want to offer such new experiences of His love to me!!
Believe He longs to offer this to you!
Believe He longs to offer this to you!
Moving on, it is equally important to understand that intimacy is a two-way street. Just as we long to be pursued and loved, God longs for us to pursue and love Him. We were made to worship—no, I’m not talking about going to church and singing hymns.
Authentic worship is abandoning ourselves to another, offering our hearts in stunning vulnerability. John Eldredge describes it as “what we give our hearts away to in return for a promise of life.” We just misplace it into things of this world. Shopping, food, other people (even a boyfriend or husband), fashion. Books or movies.
Every one of us worships something and/or someone. We cannot help it. But Jesus is the only one worthy of such devotion.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.” (Jesus, in Matthew 22:37-38)
Get alone in a private place (it doesn’t have to be indoors!) with some worship music that moves your heart—music that speaks of an intimacy with Christ. Many times we’ll need to ask Him to create in us a hunger for Him; and to woo us into bringing our desire for life to Him. I’ve known women (Beth Moore is one of them) who close the door of their room and dance for Him as they worship. Others play an instrument or draw pictures of what He stirs as they worship. Sometimes I simply lie face down, with everything else shut out around me.
Just begin to offer your heart to Him. Make time for Him in your schedule. Guard it, and fight for it. Make no mistake, it will be opposed by our enemy. For he knows what deep experiences of Jesus’ love will do—he fears who you are (a glorious image bearer of God) and who you can be once you are set free by the Lover of Your Soul.
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