I can Barely Reach the Keyboard from the Floor

I'm still here! I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...at least, I don't think I have! Still trying to figure out where the bump on my head came from. Just kidding. Life and circumstances have a way of taking us out sometimes. And we find ourselves on the floor looking up, rubbing our head and wondering what hit us!

That would be the case for me over the past several weeks. First, back to back travels in the middle of two different weeks in a row (and following a few weekend trips before that) made it nearly impossible to study and write amidst the remaining responsibilities of a family of six. Afterward, I was simply out of the habit! UGH!

I have been writing in the past week for a couple other responsibilities, and I am also getting back to the blog! Back to our topic of healing. This next trip is going to require us to really buckle our seatbelts as we dig into...well...I won't say it yet. Some things are better NOT known ahead of time. :o) Sorry! It will also require some deep preparation time for me to deliver it in bites we can all swallow easily. So please be patient just a little longer.

In the meantime, remember this of Jesus:
¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted [that's you and me!],
   to proclaim freedom for the captives [us again!]
   and release from darkness for the prisoners [you got it!],
² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
 ³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor. 

If you'd like a refresher from where we last walked together in this message of healing and freedom, you can find it here.
If you are new to the blog and want to know more of this heart healing--catch up to speed with the rest of us--(or you're not new and need to revisit and walk deeper still) you can find them in order from first to last here:
From Slavery to Freedom (this has been reworked and rewritten!)
What Band-Aids Won't Heal
The Proven Offer
When "Partial" Isn't Good Enough
One Size Does Not Fit All
The One Who Knows the Steps Holds the Key to our Heart
The Truth Will Set You Free (this is where we left off and is the same link as above in the highlighted "here" link)

Deep Sea Adventure

This week I had the pleasure of accompanying my 6th grader and her honors classmates on an overnight field trip to the Georgia Aquarium. It is the world's largest aquarium primarily because of the Ocean Voyager, where thousands of animals from the deep blue sea peruse around in 6.3 million gallons of water! We were privy to behind the scenes tours of this massive tank, among others, and sleeping overnight in the tropical fish room. It was definitely an experience to remember and my favorite short-term field trip to date!

Because of recent back-to-back travels, I have not been able to write weekly as I enjoy doing! But the 4-D film we watched while at the aquarium triggered some memories of another post that I want to share again this week. In the film, we were taken deep below where the scariest and ugliest of sea creatures exist. No one knows all that lurks there in these deepest, darkest oceans. Thousands of miles down under where there is no light, swim creatures with fangs and gruesome fish that eat their prey from the inside out. It is not a place most of us would want to go, given the opportunity.

Ironically, if we’re honest, almost every woman feels a bit that way about her heart. Deep unchartered waters of our past, insecurities that grip our present, painful things we have been through, and the sin we have clung to—not to mention all the labels we carry from these things. Oh how we fear exploring the depths; and we most certainly wouldn’t take our men there to look around, maybe not even our best friend. Heck, we don’t even want to go there ourselves! 

If they knew the true me, they would surely run! We feel we are just too much for anyone. 

Some of the things we’ve been through, and some of the things we’ve done (or fear we’re capable of doing), feel like hell to us.

But what if…just maybe…God’s love is deeper than the deepest hell? What if these things aren't the truest things about us?

To read the full blog, click here: Experience the Depth

RECAP

This week I feel led to re-post a couple of blogs. The first is actually at the top of the Popular Posts list, having been read by almost 300 viewers the past three months literally around the world. If you've ever closed your eyes and envisioned the person you long to be, all that you dream you could be…no longer at war within yourself, confident, sure, free of all shame and the labels of your past, both other- and self-inflicted, and wondered how or if it could ever be true, click the link below.

Experience the Height

The second re-post takes our topic last week (The Truth Will Set You Free) a step deeper, and details a very personal experience I had with God a few years ago. It exemplifies what walking with God through freedom might look like. Change the scenery and some of the details, and you can have your own story. I share this post again because I understand what it is like to long for personal experience, and need a little help along the way from others. We draw from each other's experiences, learning from them, gaining hope and courage from them, and faith for our own life. Paul says that we "help each other with the faith we have. Your faith will help me, and my faith will help you" (Romans 1:12 NCV). This has played out truthfully in SO many ways and times in various relationships in my life. For this reason I share so openly with you all, that my faith may help you and draw you deeper into Jesus. Click below.

Authentic Experience

The Truth Will Set You Free

Disney’s 2000 movie, “The Kid,” depicts the story of a very successful image consultant, working for the big names in politics, sports, and the media. Ironically, Russ has developed quite an image for himself as an over-driven, selfish, and heartless man. A bachelor, he lives alone in a huge house full of glass with an uncomfortably sterile environment.

Russ’ controlled life is turned upside down when a mysterious kid shows up, bearing the same name (going by Rusty, Russ’ childhood name), the same scars, and the same pudgy body Russ once had. When denial and disregard fail to get rid of the boy, Russ finally acquiesces, and begins asking questions to figure out what truth he must recover from his past to move forward in his future.

The subject of his dad comes up, and Rusty talks about how he gets angry and yells at him when he messes up. In fact, he's carrying a screw in his pocket that he lost a week before and had since found, but was too scared to tell his dad about it. Their conversations take them back to his 8th birthday when the young Rusty ends up in a fight on the playground at school. When his mother comes to retrieve him, we learn from the principal she has been very ill, unbeknown to Rusty. His father unexpectedly meets them in the driveway as they return home.

Watch the clip below of that fateful day.

STOP the video at 2:55. It is important to stop here--you can finish the clip after reading to the end of the blog. Be sure your volume is turned up.

Remember Jesus said, referring to Satan, "The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy" (John 10:10). And the primary way he does so is by lying to us about ourselves, others, how we perceive a situation, God, and more. Jesus tells us the devil was a "murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." (John 8:44b)

What is he after you ask? Our heart. Satan knows who you can be and he fears you. As daughters of Eve, yes, we know now we are bent toward sin, but we were created in the image of a beautiful and glorious, life-giving God. Woman is called ezer kenegdo (Genesis 2:18), better translated as lifesaver. (to understand more see, "God's Love, PartVIII "Experience the Width," October 2010 archive). When we live from our hearts the way we were originally intended, not only are we free, but we are able to offer life to others in their time of desperation.

When we are young we know nothing of Eve's story nor God's plan of redemption, so our enemy seeks to take us out early. While we are freshly wounded and most vulnerable, he pours salt into our wounds with his soul-killing lies. In the scene from "The Kid," we see how Rusty grew up believing his mother's death was his fault. As children, we lack the spiritual, mental, and emotional maturity to process our experiences accurately. Then we are further wounded into believing horrid things about ourselves (Stasi Eldredge, Captivating).

To make matters worse, we end up making all sorts of vows out of self-protection, burying our souls even deeper with every wound, every lie believed, and every new vow. For Russ, he was never going to cry, be weak, or let anyone close to his heart. It seemed too great a risk. Someone might get hurt, and no one was going to find him at fault again. He was in complete control of his life.

The verbal and sexual abuses I endured as a child and teenager left me feeling hopeless, bad, and a constant disappointment (to others and to God); shame had arrested me. Because I believed the crimes against me were solely my fault, I also believed I was a dangerous person. That my desires for love, care, and attention only got me into trouble (God-given desires the enemy had twisted.). I had better stay away from people--don't get too close. Steel walls were erected around my heart, no one was getting in, and this girl wasn't about to get out. As a result, duty, busyness, and control summed up my adult life.

Like Russ in the movie, I had to go back to the places I was wounded to identify the lies and discover the truth. This is not connecting with your "inner child" as some psychologists and new age believers would tell you. This is about your heart. John Eldredge says, "Life is a journey of the heart that requires the mind, not the other way around." Jesus wants to free us from the lies and labels of our past that chain us. We must invite Him in, give Him permission and access to our broken hearts.

Those vows we made as children act as sort of a covenant, a deep seated agreement with the messages (lies) of our wounds. They are dangerous. The key to unlocking them is in renouncing them. We cannot wait until we no longer feel they are true, we must renounce them before we're convinced they aren't true. Renouncing the agreements unlocks the door to Jesus. (Captivating)

Here's an example of how we would pray, taken from Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge.

Jesus, forgive me for embracing these lies. This is not what you have said of me. You said I am your daughter, your beloved, your cherished one. I renounce the agreements I made with [name the specific messages you've been living with. "I'm stupid. I'm ugly." You know what they are.] I renounce the agreements I've been making with these messages all these years. Bring the truth here, oh Spirit of Truth. I reject these lies.

And let the tears come. Tears validate our pain. They are, in a sense, like healing balm to our weary souls, tired from holding everything in for so long. Let it all out. Jesus Himself was a "man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" (Isaiah 53:3). Make time for this. I used to get alone in my closet, my car, anywhere private and safe.

You need to give yourself permission to feel again. Many things will erupt. Anger was a first for me. That's okay. Anger is not a sin (Ephesians 4:26). You may also feel remorse, as I did. Deep sorrow over so many years lost. Whatever comes, let it be.

"Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered. It mattered. You mattered. That's not the way life was supposed to go. There are unwept tears down in there--the tears of a little girl who is lost and frightened. The tears of a teenage girl who's been rejected and has no place to turn. The tears of a woman whose life has been hard and lonely and nothing close to her dreams."
(Captivating, p. 103)

Once the lies are broken, "then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32). Such freedom will reverse the life of control to a life of trust...trust in the One who set you free.

The One Who Knows the Steps Holds the Key to our Heart

One of my favorite movies is Shall We Dance? Partly because I can relate to the main character, John Clark, who seems to have it all, yet secretly longs for more. Life has become stale for him amongst all the routine busyness, and something is missing…that something is his heart.

Likewise, the lead female character, Paulina (and dance instructor), has a story of her own lost passion—once focused and fiery, now buried and locked away. She hides herself in duty and passionless teaching, short of temper and patience. Her distance is kept by her icy ways of communicating with others, especially John…the one person who has the key to unlock her heart again.

Before we get too much farther, let me pose a question:  how would you best describe your life right now? Alive? Free? Passionate? Or dutiful? Busy? Stale?

At one point in the movie we learn what has brought Paulina to this lifeless state. Exposed was the loss of her first love years before through a tragic scene of events on the competition dance floor. It wasn’t a true love to begin with, and her partner’s selfish intentions were revealed when her fall cost them a highly esteemed title in the world of dance.

Now John threatens to open the wounded part of her that she has worked so hard to protect. Despite her best efforts, he eventually breaks through, as his newfound passion in the freedom of dancing awakens hers once again. Though clumsy at first, John becomes quite the dancer, and finds himself signed up for one of Chicago’s finest dance competitions.

The only one who can take him to the level he is capable of is Paulina. She finally agrees to help him, and they meet one night alone at the dance studio. The music is intense, and so is the atmosphere as his strength begins to unlock her tightly sealed vulnerability. Paulina breaks away in fear and frustration a couple of times, but the reminder of what it feels like to be alive again pushes her to get back in the dance. She finally releases herself and leans into the strength holding her, abandoning herself to the music once again.

When the healing of our heart begins, usually something happens, a crisis of sorts, an awakening, etc. Somehow we begin to see that something just isn’t quite right; life is not the way it was meant to be, and far from what we long for it to be. Also, in the beginning of recovering that life, it can feel scary. Intimidating. Confusing. And we are tempted to push away. There is something so unfair about the way the enemy comes and cuts in with fear, tempting us to believe that the life we want is not worth fighting for.

Early in the movie described, we see Paulina looking out a window of the dance studio. She tries to keep her lost stares and her blank expressions hidden from the rest of the world. Yet hopes of surviving through duty and self-protection are challenged when John comes on the scene. Little does she know at first that the keys to true freedom are at hand.

So it is with God in our lives. After running long and hard away from my past, a few great losses too close together stripped me of all the strength I’d carried. Then my tightly built, self-made walls of security came crashing down around me. It was in that desert place God came for me in the most unexpected ways. And He comes for you just the same, Dear Friend.

“But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.”

(Hosea 2:14-15 NLT)

Jesus knows the key to unlocking our heart is found in facing our past. It first takes stripping us of all our destructive ways of survival and self-protection. Then we must go back to the place where we were once wounded and recover what was lost, stolen, and given up there.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

(John 10:10 NIV)

One of the problems, though, is that we’ve believed a lie that what happened in our past doesn’t matter. We fail to see how our past shaped us and made us who we are now. We try to forget the past, but even if we do attempt facing it, well-meaning people tell us to “just let it go.”

Ever wonder what in the world that means? Listen clearly, Friend, letting go only comes in healing. If it didn’t, then Jesus would not have made a big deal out of being the one who comes to heal the brokenhearted!! (Isaiah 61:1, Luke 4)

Our minds do not have the ability to forget our wounds forever, and our hearts are not able to just pick up and move on as if nothing ever happened. If we try, we’ll carry the bloody footprints of our hearts with us every where we go. Just look at the desolate woman next door, or the one who fights to be the center of attention at work. Yes, even the one exhausted by controlling her world and almost every person in it. (the latter was me)

As we begin to dig into the recesses of our pasts, I realize how painful some reminders will be. No one wants to go there, but take heart…we are not going alone. Jesus is going with us…He wants to heal us, set the record straight, and restore what has been lost and stolen. Remember, He wants to fix it. (“When Partial Isn’t Good Enough” January archive)

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”

(Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV, prophesying of Jesus)

Only Jesus holds the keys to unlock our heart, and with His healing, bring the liveliness, passion, and freedom we long for. He knows the dance steps, and He leads with a strength we can trust. Take courage. We have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

One Size Does Not Fit All

Every person has owned one at some time or another—the infamous “one-size-fits-all” shirt, hat, or covering of some type. If you’ve looked around lately at all, you’ve certainly noticed that everyone is NOT the same! Short, tall, curvy, straight, round, and not-so-round. Have you ever looked in the mirror after putting on one of those things?! Name one person who actually looked flattering in a “one-size-fits-all.”

              

We are all different—in shape, personality, talents and strengths. Jesus knows this—after all, He’s the One who made us! (Psalm 139:13) He also knows that each of us has a set of experiences from the time of our birth that are uniquely our own. Even though some of us have experienced the same joys, hurts, and failures in life, still, each experience has its differences.

Knowing this, Jesus does not try to force us into a single mold when it comes to healing our hearts. There is no set formula. A + B does not always equal C. In terms of a healing journey (I use the word “journey” because heart-healing is a process), my husband likes to say, “Everyone’s on the same journey, just the scenery is different.” God’s aim is to make us whole, but because of our uniqueness, His ways of getting us there will be both similar AND different.

Last week we dissected just one blind man’s story of healing through Jesus in the gospel of Mark. Remember how Jesus spit on his eyes and put His hands on them (twice) before He could see clearly. In Mark chapter 10, blind Bartimaeus is healed by the simple words of Jesus saying his faith had made him well. To one pair of blind men in Matthew 9 crying out for healing, Jesus asked if they believed He could do this, and upon a “yes” answer, He touched their eyes so they could see. Another set approached Jesus later in chapter 20 crying out for the same, and Jesus asked them what they wanted him to do—a different question, and yet again, a simple touch to meet their need.

One size does not fit all.

My own encounter with Jesus began several years ago as I had been praying through a certain set of scripture verses on a daily basis. One verse in particular just didn’t seem to apply to me, so after weeks of this I implored my thoughts to Jesus. When He put His loving finger on the infirmities hidden deep in my heart, I gasped at the sight of my own condition, now in plain view. Gently and lovingly He began, with my permission (He is a gentleman), to touch every wound I had. And I devoured every book, song, sermon, and scripture He sent my way to facilitate healing over the few years that followed!

God knows you and understands you inside and out—He doesn’t miss a single beat (Psalm 139). Therefore, He knows exactly what will be most effective for you on this road to wholeness. Be on the look out for the Spirit’s leading. The little nudges to read “this” book, or listen to “that” song. Sometimes when we’re not trying so hard to figure it all out, He surprises us with answers.

(Beware that not all spirits are of His Spirit. The Bible tells us in 1 John 4:1 to test the spirits and see whether they are from God, that many false prophets have gone out into the world. If you come across anything that is not in line with what He tells us in the Bible, it is not from Him!)

There are a few books listed on the right-hand side bar of this blog that promise to be freeing, and not just another book to tell you what you aren’t doing right or need to do better. Under the “Music” tab you will find songs of promise and healing. If you like to write, grab a journal and pen your thoughts, prayers, and God’s revelations along the way. Make a CD of the songs that speak to you, or add them to your ipod. Jesus is ready and waiting with the perfect fit for you.

When "Partial" Isn't Good Enough

There’s a uniquely intriguing story that involves Jesus and a blind man that puzzles at first glance, and deserves a closer look. Set in the heart of Mark chapter eight, it seems almost random amidst the happenings prior to and after it. But that’s not what puzzles me. See for yourself.

“[Jesus] came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, and begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, ‘I see men like trees, walking.’ Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly.”

Mark 8:22-25

Okay, so maybe we find a few things puzzling about this story! Spitting in someone’s eyes to make them see sounds a little weird, not your typical doctor’s practice of modern medicine—even among natural therapies. But Jesus is known for doing things different, so no big surprise. It is the partial healing that takes the stage here. In no other recording of healing within the Bible do we find such an account. All other physical healings were instantaneously complete. (Beth Moore, “So Long Insecurity”)

Is anyone else marveling at why this happened? Was Jesus having an “off” day? Maybe He just couldn’t get it right the first time.

Jesus:  “What do you see?”

The man:  “Uh, men like trees walking.”

Jesus:  “Oops, let’s try again. Now what do you see?”

The man:  “I see everything clearly now!”

Could it be He lost His train of thought or His connection to the Father? Not likely, huh? Perhaps He was trying to make a point we would desperately need to understand for our own healing. Follow closely for the next few minutes.

We are often satisfied with partial healings (or even no healing at all). We chalk everything up to personality or an inability to change. On the other hand, as my husband and I have facilitated restoration in small group settings, we have witnessed people get up and walk out early on with the statement, “I’m fine; I’ve had successes in my life and I’m fine. I don’t need this.”

Many people wrongfully assume that a person must appear “messed up” or have painfully obvious pasts to need such healing. We have a certain picture of what such a person looks like. Often weak, maybe unable to hold a job or run a family, severely emotionally unstable, etc. On the contrary, most people have become quite accustomed to responding to life around them in a way that disguises, diminishes, and even denies the wounds of their past. Because they are functional, they believe they are fine. I can relate; that was me a decade ago.

As God began to pry my eyes open to the truth, He gave an illustration that is profoundly true. A broken bone that is not reset will still mend—to a point. It may still be able to move and function, but it will not have the full range of motion it was originally intended to have. It is limited, and will cause us trouble along the way. In order to fully restore the bone to its intended state, it will require a surgeon to re-break it at the point of its wound, and reset it properly.

Back to the story of Jesus’ encounter with the blind man in Bethsaida. Jesus was not satisfied with what the man first saw when asked. He could see alright, but he could not see clearly or properly! Jesus didn’t want to improve the man’s eyesight. He wanted to fix it. (Beth Moore, “So Long Insecurity”)

So it is with our broken, wounded hearts.

Most of us as women can understand the concept of wanting to “fix” people, or situations. We are pros at fixing, or at least trying! We fix our children’s boo-boos, our husband’s mistakes (it’s ok to laugh here), and our friends’ problems. It seems we are always aiming to take the pain away or make something work.

When it comes to the heart, however, there’s something we must understand. Only Jesus can fix our hearts. It is Jesus who God sent as prophesied in Isaiah chapter 61 and fulfilled in Luke chapter 4, saying, “He has sent me [Jesus] to bind up and heal the brokenhearted…”

As stated in the last blog, this is not “12 Steps to a Better You.” Jesus is not aiming to make us better (remember, that is largely sin-management). He wants to make us whole. It is time we remove the steel walls tightly securing our pasts and invite the one true Surgeon, Jesus Christ, to come with us to the points of our wounds, and set them straight once and for all.

Just when you think this is as good as it gets, Jesus says, “Wait, there’s so much more.”